I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
