he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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