dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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