Just took my morning after pill in the library
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
