how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
