fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
