I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
