my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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