Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
