you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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