In America we eat man semen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
