how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he shaved USA in his pubs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
