I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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