dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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