Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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