The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
