I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
