Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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