We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
