I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
