She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
