she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
