so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're like the curious george of whores
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
