No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
