i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
