I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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