Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
