hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
