i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
