He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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