I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
