You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
