Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
