This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
