Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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