I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
