Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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