hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
