if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
