His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
