peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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