VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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