I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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