i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
