Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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