he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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