My first STD was from a foam party
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
