..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
