so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
