We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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