When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
