i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
